Just Feel
by The Shadow of Light
Summary: Roxas just can't make any sense of his life, but through it all, there is a certain blond-haired girl who always makes him feel better. Roxas also makes a shocking dicovery about the spiky redhead who claims to be his "best friend"...
1. Just Feel, Roxas

_**Note: Set during Chain of Memories/beginning of Kingdom Hearts II**_

Naminé sat in the white chair and stared up at Roxas, her eyes looking over the blond, spiky hair, the gorgeous mako blue eyes, and the small, perfect lips that always seemed to hold such a sad expression. And she felt something inside, as she always did when she saw him… She knew she was Nobody; she knew she wasn't supposed to feel. But she was.

And why was that, she wondered? The first time she saw him, it was like… she had to love him. She couldn't control it. She couldn't run away from it... But she knew why. She knew why she felt this way about him. And she wondered… was there anything she could do about it, even if she tried? But she knew the answer: Sora and Kairi's love was too strong, so strong it carried over into the "next life"—and Roxas felt the same, even if he couldn't see it. He didn't have control over it either. They truly were only puppets. But that is the truth of a Nobody.

Roxas stood at the opposite end of the room and stared back at Naminé, too confused to feel anything. He hadn't felt anything since… no, he couldn't remember the last time he had felt real emotions… Wait… What _were_ real emotions? Axel told him that he was his "best friend", that he had felt "friendship" when they were together… And he said that the "friendship" he had with Hayner, Pence, and Olette wasn't real… But Roxas wasn't sure anymore… about anything. His whole world was crashing down on him—everything he ever knew—at once... Was _everything_ a lie? It seemed that way. He didn't know who to believe anymore—Axel said he was his best friend, but all he ever caused Roxas was confusion... hurt… anger… He said that this town—Hayner, Pence, and Olette—none of it was real. Why would his "best friend" say something like that…? And who was DiZ, and what did he want from Roxas? And what did Roxas keep seeing in his head—those flashes of a boy, wearing red, that went through his mind all day…? He couldn't make it stop. He didn't know who it was—he had never seen anyone like this boy in his life—but the images still would not go away.

And yet… Here was Naminé, sitting at the end of a long white table in a solid white room that Roxas had somehow ended up in. She looked so calm, so sure of everything around her. She was the only one who made Roxas feel… comfortable. Everywhere he went, it seemed like Axel was there, like he was following him. And he didn't know what Axel wanted. He _tried_ to remember, he tried _so_ hard… But he just couldn't remember anything about what Axel was trying to tell him… And now when he was with Hayner, Pence, and Olette, he wasn't sure what to believe… _Was_ it real? _Were_ they really his "friends"? Deep down, he knew that _something_ was wrong with them… Lately, nothing had been like it used to be when he was with them. Sometimes, it felt like he wasn't really there… Or was it that _they_ weren't really there…?

But somehow… He felt like… he could trust Naminé. She was a mysterious figure to him—she would show up out of nowhere, speak to him, though only ever a few words, and then disappear back into nowhere. But it was encouraging to him. It was the oddest thing—he swore he had never seen her before in his life… but it felt like… they had known each other for a very long time… He didn't know it, but she felt the same. The only difference was he didn't know _why_… And she did.

"Naminé…?" he asked unsurely. She nodded simply, smiling her happy smile. He stepped closer to her, walking slowly. She watched him silently. When he was standing next to her, he looked down and sat in the chair beside her.

He let his head fall into his hands, giving a deep sigh. "You don't understand," Naminé commented quietly in her child-like voice. It wasn't a question. It was a statement. Roxas lifted his head to look at her. "No… I don't." There were a thousand and one reasons why he was confused. "I'm a Nobody… right?" he asked; Naminé nodded again. She had been the one to tell him this last time they met. "And… Nobodies were never supposed to exist." Naminé chimed in, "That's right. When a human's heart is stolen by the Keyblade, that human becomes a Heartless. But their body has to go somewhere—thus a Nobody is born." Roxas paused for a moment, thinking, "Then… we don't have hearts… right…? If that's true, then… I'm not supposed to _feel_." Naminé could not give him an answer this time. But she could hear the doubt in his voice. None of it made sense to him. "Well… no one really knows. Most people believe that some of the human emotions are transferred with the body as it becomes a Nobody. So—we would be able to feel… a little… But we should not be able to feel any deep emotion that is directly tied to the heart." She was silent for a moment, but then she realized what he had said. Her head tilted to one side curiously, "You said you feel?" He nodded slowly. "Well… yeah… I think," he said unsurely. Naminé kept going, "What do you feel?"

He didn't know if he could explain it all. "I feel… hatred. Hatred for DiZ…" He thought about how every time he would think he was beginning to understand something, DiZ would be there to shove it all back in his face. And all the times DiZ would remind him, over and over, that he was a mistake… DiZ's deep, cold voice came into Roxas's head…

"**_A __Nobody __doesn__'__t __have __the __right __to __know. __Nor __does __it __even __have t__he __right __to be_."**

All Roxas wanted was to understand… to know at least something about his existence—but DiZ didn't care anything about Roxas; he only wanted Roxas to go away. Roxas continued, "And… And I miss Hayner… and Pence, and Olette… my… _friends_…" he sounded unsure about the last word, but he was truly sincere, and the sadness reflected that in his deep, sparkling blue eyes. "And confusion about Axel. I want to believe him but… how could he be right?" Naminé didn't say anything, though she knew the answer; she only let him talk. "If I had these memories—of an 'Organization XIII'… wouldn't I know it?" He stopped again, this time looking to Naminé. She seemed to know so much more than him.

"Roxas…" Naminé began, "Do remember your somebody?" Roxas looked puzzled by the question. He heard a voice flash through his head; the hooded figure who had appeared from nowhere and stolen Roxas's munny…

"**_Do __you __remember __your __true __name?__"_ **

"My… somebody…" Roxas breathed quietly, thinking, "You mean the person I used to be." She nodded, "In your past life. Before your heart was stolen by the Keyblade." He looked down, "I never… I never thought about it," he realized. She sighed, but when he looked back up, Naminé was inches from his face. Nothing seemed to make him remember, nothing anyone did could bring back his memories. So Naminé intended to try a different approach.

Roxas looked slightly surprised, slightly unsure of what was going on and how she had gotten so close. But as she leaned closer, his eyebrows furrowed. "Naminé…" She paused and looked at him, lifting her eyebrows for what he would say. It was so sudden to him, and he was so confused; there was just too much for him to think about. He wanted to say something… but he couldn't stop what he knew was about to happen from happening. And he didn't want to. It just felt… right. His voice dropped to a whisper, "Naminé, I think—" Naminé cut him off by shaking her head and placing a tiny finger on his lips. "Don't think, Roxas… _feel_." She let the finger trail down to his small but muscular chest, where it rested right where his heart would be. "Just _feel_." She whispered the last word quietly as she leaned in and closed the gap between them, their lips meeting gingerly.

But… But they weren't supposed to…

But they did.

Roxas gave in and closed his eyes as she did and returned her kiss, his lips vaguely cold against hers. It felt surprisingly good… Her lips were warm, soft, and gentle. He tried pressing a little harder against her, experimenting with this new feeling. Naminé felt Kairi stronger than she ever had now. It took her slightly by surprise at first, but then she embraced it, doing as Kairi would do. She had expected this outcome; her theory was that whenever a Nobody, who coexists with their somebody, does something that directly ties them to their somebody—anything that would cause an emotional stir in that person's heart—then the somebody would feel it too. And here Naminé was, kissing Kairi's Sora. She was definitely feeling this.

And then suddenly, Roxas felt something inside him, as if something were waking up. A rush of energy… a burst of life. Something he had never felt before. He pulled away, his eyebrows deeply furrowed. "I feel something…" he sounded slightly breathless and winded. Naminé smiled victoriously. "What, what is it?" she asked in her younger, childish voice again. "It's like… something is… tingling," he tried to explain. "It feels strangely good…" He touched his chest unsurely, "Something deep down, in here…" He looked back up at her, "Somehow… I feel like it has something to do with you…" He looked up at her, deep eyes meeting hers softly, "Like I just… don't want to leave you…" His voice trailed off, wondering if he had said too much. Naminé smiled wider. "Roxas… That's love. You just felt what Sora feels for Kairi."

Suddenly, another flash of the boy in red…

"Sora!" Roxas jumped up from the chair. From the expression on Roxas's face, it looked as if something had suddenly clicked. "_Sora_ is who I keep seeing!" he exclaimed, "My somebody!" Naminé nodded again, eyes closing in a wide smile. "And Kairi must be…" Roxas closed his eyes, just _feeling_, as Naminé had instructed him. He saw a girl with a beautiful face, a sweet smile, and gorgeous brunette-red hair… He had seen her before—it was that girl that Sora was always with. Every time he saw Sora… she usually was not far behind. But lately, she had only been in Sora's memories…

The more he focused on her, the more she faded into another figure… Another girl. But she had very similar features. The brunette-red hair became light blond, and the eyes became a lighter blue. But the sweet smile and smooth lips still stayed. He opened his eyes slowly, with a surprised expression, knowing who it was. "You're… Kairi's Nobody?"

Naminé nodded. "I was Kairi… I _am_ Kairi." Roxas sat back down slowly, taking it all in. He didn't even know what to say. "That's why you kissed me… Because Sora and Kairi are… He loves her. I felt it." Naminé smiled, "I had hoped you would." Roxas looked up at her slowly. "Then we… are…" Naminé knew what he meant. Since they were Sora and Kairi, they felt that love to. She responded confidently, yet simply. "Yes… We are." Roxas still stared at her, into her eyes. The feeling was still there… The tingling and the warmth and the bubbling. But then he felt a sinking feeling for a moment as he realized something. "But do we only feel this way because… Because _they_ do?" Naminé gave a quiet sigh. "Roxas, we are Nobodies," she stated bluntly, but truthfully, "We are tied to them forever. They live in us—they are half of who we are. So we feel what they do," she explained. She looked up at him, and her small voice became quieter, "But that doesn't mean that it has to be all about them. I feel sometimes too… I feel things that Kairi wouldn't… And I feel about you." He wasn't sure what to say. He knew what she meant—that even though they were destined to feel this way about each other, she still felt that way anyways.

Then something very strange happened. A small smile pulled Roxas's lips up. If Naminé had a heart, it would've skipped a beat. It was gorgeous on him. She had never seen him smile. "I think… that I feel that way too," he told her. "_Me_. And not just Sora." He thought about how she was always so kind to him… She always wanted him to know more about himself—even when she knew it would get her in trouble. And that's all Roxas wanted—someone to help him understand. Naminé reached across and placed her hand gently on top of Roxas's, whose was much bigger. He looked down at their hands. Her touch sparked that feeling again. Maybe Nobodies weren't so different from "real" people… He turned his hand over and curled his fingers up to take her small hand in his, giving it a gentle, involuntary squeeze.

She smiled back at him and then Roxas lowered his head again. "It makes sense now…" he murmured, "The boy in red—Sora. Why I have his memories." But then… why did it still feel like he didn't understand everything…? "Except… What Axel says… It still doesn't make any sense..." He looked to Naminé for an answer, "Why don't I remember _those_ memories? The ones that are my _own_…?" Naminé thought of how to say what she knew he needed to hear. "Did you know that I was a sorceress?" she asked finally, looking at Roxas. Roxas shook his head slowly, "A sorceress? You mean… you can do magic?" Naminé gave a small giggle. "Kind of… I have power over Sora's memories." A very confused expression met Roxas's face. She reached across the table with the hand that Roxas did not have and slid her pink notebook in front of them. She lifted it open slowly, revealing the pictures within. Pictures of Sora, Riku, Kairi, and even some of him… and Axel.

Roxas stared, his eyes growing wider. "That's… me…" he murmured quietly. "But why… is Axel with me? And who is this?" He brushed his fingers across Riku's figure. He had his arm around Sora in the picture, a wide smile on his face. "Naminé… Why do you draw these pictures…?" Naminé sighed. "Roxas… A few months ago, a member of the Organization, Marluxia, manipulated Sora into venturing into a place called Castle Oblivion… And he manipulated me into erasing and rebuilding Sora and Riku's memories…" She paused, thinking of how to go on. "None of the memories they thought they had were real—they were put there by me… And the further into the Castle Sora went, the more real memories he lost. But Marluxia was defeated, and now Sora is asleep while I try to fix the mess that was created when I tore their memories apart.

"You see, all of the pieces of your memory—both yours and his—were scattered. And now… you can't tell which are yours—" though she knew very well that the memories that _he_ had were not real— "and which are his. The single chain of memories that held you two together was broken. And some of the links… are just gone completely," she explained, thinking about Xion, who was created by the memories that had leaked out of Sora. Roxas stared ahead, his mind racing. "So that's… why I don't remember Axel? The organization? It was one of the links that is lost…" Naminé nodded and continued, "And he may be missing some memories of his own—or he may have some of _yours_ that he doesn't know aren't his…" She paused for a moment, and continued again, "And it has effected than Sora—it effected Riku, Kairi, and even some of Sora's other friends. Anyone that would've been in his memories." Roxas understood more now. "So that's why you are able to still be here while Kairi exists at the same time." "Yes—and I am piecing that chain back together. One memory at a time. And one day soon… You, me, Sora, Kairi, Riku… we will all be right again."

Roxas thought about all of it. The fact that he is Sora, that Naminé is Kairi… and that Axel had been right all along. He suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for Axel… a pang of guilt. He really _was_ his best friend, and he just wanted Roxas back… Even if Roxas didn't remember… But Roxas did not want to open his mind, did not want to believe that his life was a lie. But he could see now that it was. That all of it… was just an illusion. He felt so selfish for fighting Axel away…

Naminé sighed. Roxas tilted his head, looking up from his thoughts. "What?" he asked curiously. "Well… It's great that you remember now… But that also means that the time is growing closer…" She knew it might be selfish for her to feel that way, but she did. The fact that he was remembering meant that Sora's memories were getting closer to being pieced together. Soon, they would both go back into Sora and Kairi.

Roxas squeezed her hand again, looking into her eyes. "It's okay," he comforted her, "We'll still be here, right? Just inside Sora and Kairi… After all, you _said_ that we feel what they feel." Naminé looked up at him, smiling. "That's right. We will feel each other inside of Sora and Kairi. We'll be together as long as Sora and Kairi are—and I have a feeling they're not going anywhere."


	2. Lea?

Axel sat on top of the clock tower, looking down over Twilight Town as the sun set in the sky—forever illuminating the town with the colors of twilight. He licked slowly at the bar of sea salt ice cream he held in his hand, staring down, his eyes looking dull and lifeless. They were tinted with the sorrow, the disappointment that had come with all his vain attempts he had been putting so much effort into in the past few days. He knew the truth, he knew what was happening to Roxas—but he thought by some miracle Roxas would remember… He knew now that that was just too good to be true. Nothing that fortunate would take his side—now _or_ in his past life.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps met his ears and he turned his head quickly to see who was there—one of his main goals as an Organization XIII member was to never be detected by outsiders. But no one ever came up to the top of this tower, except for him, Roxas, and Xion… He jumped up, ready to leave the other way, but when he laid eyes on the figure that was approaching, he froze.

Roxas stopped in front of Axel, lifting his hand to rub the back of his head, unsure of what to say. "Umm… Axel. Hi," he looked up at the tall, skinny figure and tried to smile. Axel shook his head. "No, I don't believe it… You don't remember me," he murmured, emerald eyes questioning. Roxas looked down. "Right… I didn't… And I'm still having issues remembering everything…" He paused, lifting his head to look up at Axel. "But you're my best friend. We used to eat sea salt ice cream up here every day after our missions." Truthfully, he didn't remember any of that. But Naminé had told him the truth about his life in the Organization, and he wanted to talk to Axel… just once, before he disappeared forever. Axel stood, completely still, and his eyebrows furrowed at what Roxas said. Finally, after a moment, a wide smile grew on his face. "You do remember me!" he exclaimed. "Um… yeah!" Roxas returned the wide smile. It felt so strange… standing here, face to face with the guy that used to be his best friend, used to be the only person he trusted… the only one that gave him hope, that made him feel like a _somebody_… but not remembering a single piece of it. The strange thing was, _he_ felt like he didn't know the guy at all—but he knew that truthfully, deep down somewhere, he did better than anyone.

Roxas walked closer to Axel and Axel looked speechless. All of that work… maybe it did pay off. Still, he didn't think this would ever happen… Roxas gave a half smile, "Wanna give me some of that ice cream, Lea?"

They both froze. Roxas's smile faded into a confused look; why had he just called Axel 'Lea'…?

Axel's hand lowered; his eyebrows creased heavily and his eyes turned deeper somehow. "What… did you call me?" he asked quietly, staring Roxas down. Roxas stuttered. "Uh, I, um… I didn't—I don't…" Finally, he shook his head, shrugging his shoulders, "I don't know!" But then another flash of the same boy—Sora—flooded his vision. He closed his eyes, focusing on the images. He had always ignored them before, tried to push them out of his head. They scared him too badly. But after his talk with Naminé, he understood. It was Sora's memory—_his_ memory—and usually the images were triggered by something Roxas did…

So Roxas listened to them this time. He tried to make sense of the scenes in his head. He was just _feeling_… feeling what Sora felt. He saw Riku and Sora and Kairi on Destiny Islands—but they must've been hardly five or six years old. They were sitting next to each other on the beach, watching the sunset… but sitting next to Sora on the end was someone Roxas had never seen before… He must've only been in very few of Sora's memories… And this must've been a memory that was buried deep… It was a boy—he looked a couple years older than the others—sitting with them. Roxas felt some uncontrollable tug in his heart just then. But he didn't know what it was. He focused on the boy's face… But he wasn't sure what it was that created this feeling in his heart… this feeling that was overwhelming him now…

Roxas opened his eyes, wide and shocked. "Axel?" he exclaimed. Axel stared back at his surprised gaze. He lifted one eyebrow, having no idea what was going on, "What…?" Roxas closed his mouth, which had been slightly open in shock. Then he asked slowly, quietly, "Did… Did you ever know Sora, Riku, and Kairi…?"

Axel held his gaze for a moment, a shocked expression in the depths of his eyes. "How…?" he began in barely a whisper. But then he sighed, defeated, looking down. "Lea… my somebody did... He grew up on the Islands… with Sora, Riku, and Kairi." Roxas thought about it, "Then… how come none of them recognize you…?" Axel looked out into the sky, "Unlike you and many other Nobodies… I don't resemble my true self very much at all…"

There was silence for a moment. Then Roxas glanced up at Axel cautiously, and finally, he whispered slowly, "Axel… What happened… to Lea?"


End file.
